meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
