Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
