she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
