My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i love accidental penises.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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