I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
