you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
