we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
