You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
