No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
