I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
only if we run a train.
done.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
