we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
