Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
