I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
