I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
