I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
