Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
