That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
