just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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