I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
