I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
