just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
