Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
