so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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