Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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