i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
