1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
