we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
