puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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