It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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