In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
