Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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