Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
