I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.