someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
