I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
