Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
