I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
