Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
