I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
