So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
