The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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