Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
