Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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