Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
