oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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