Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
