if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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