oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
