Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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