You made me cry and you don't even care
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
