Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
