i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Welp...herpes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
