Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize