how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
