We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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