I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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