We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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