i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
