i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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