You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
