So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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