I wanna passion pit in your ass
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
