Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
