Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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