the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
