I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
