i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
