she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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