listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
