cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
