mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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